day1: running away.

There’s something beautiful about certainty, knowing where your next few steps will take you, knowing your way home and not messing up the directions every time you see a turn, knowing that the sunset will lead you back home, and that there is a forever, though just in books and stories, there still is one.

The past few years have been very uncertain, as if I’m running after a train that I was never supposed to even board. There are two exits in front of me and I keep walking away from them, looking for another one. Mostly, I think, it’s because I’m scared. to be honest, I know that I am, every single day, even more so during the winters when the tick-tock of the clock is so much louder yet you hear every single decibel of the silence call out your name, telling you that it’s not okay.

I’ve been looking at the clock an awful lot. They say time heals all wounds but every second of unhealed wounds makes them burn a lot harder. There are burns from memories I wish I could let go of. It’s been a tough year, and there are tougher times ahead.

I hope that you can stay strong and find a home for the darkest and the coldest of this winter.

love,

and the lack of it.

emm.

20/12.